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Warning

EXTREMELY HIGH EMOTIONAL CONTENT.
Proceed with caution.

Basics

Here's my nth attempt at creating a decent blogging site. I've had so many old blogs, and they're all rotting in cyberspace with memories that I'd rather not return to, so I'm starting from scratch. AGAIN.

I'm Fam. I've been around Planet Earth for 16 years and counting, though people often think I'm a lot older than my actual age (for who knows why). I love the color red, dark chocolate, bananas and breezy, sunny days.

I love dancing, singing out of nowhere, taking pictures, going on long, leisurely walks, enjoying food, writing to my heart's content, drawing, painting and indulging in crazy-sensible conversations with crazy-sensible people.

My moods swing like a pendulum, and yes, I am one of those people who overreact, over-think, and overeat. There's no better way to get to know me than to actually listen... and if you can, speak up. Don't worry, I won't bite... except if your grammar and intentions are atrocious. ;)

Tagboard


Archives

By post:
So much to say, so much more to do.
A title is hard to produce when the writing has no...
Feels like INSOMNIA.
Firsts are always the sweetest now, aren't they? :)

By month:
February 2010 / March 2010 / April 2010 / May 2010 / June 2010 / July 2010 / November 2010 / December 2010 / January 2011 /

Credits

Layout and codes by:dawnoflights
Images from: Foto_decadent
Textures: Dearest / Looks like rain
Icons from: furlights

Sadly, I'm a little girl who never grows up.

Psychiatric Ward: The Place Where I'm Supposed to Be Now
(photo courtesy of Photo.net)

I woke up this morning, and I didn't feel like P. Diddy.

My body greeted me with this slow, steady pang of a very disturbing feeling. Was it paranoia? I'm not quite sure, but it's quite reminiscent of it. I felt an icy sensation gripping me, flowing in my veins as if my body temperature went down to just above freezing point.

I don't understand why I feel this way. Moreover, I feel frustrated due to this failure to understand. It's ridiculous why I can't seem to sift through my feelings...

Darn it. I must be crazy.

Some would say reflection is the key to understanding my problems and the root behind them. However, whenever I analyze my issues, I just end up getting even more confused. I get answers that only frustrate me, from the other voice inside me that tries to balance out the part which, in fear, longs for answers. For example,

Question: Why is it so easy for me to
Answer: Because you're insecure.
Question: Why am I so insecure?
Answer: Because you keep wanting to have what others have that you don't.
Question: Why can't I be contented with what I have, then?
Answer: Because you want to be a crowd pleaser and you try too hard to please people.
Question: Why am I like this?!
Answer: Face it. That's just how you are.

Screw my failure in logic on this one. I know I can be logical, but when it comes to matters pertaining to myself, I just lose my sense of reason. Maybe, just maybe, I'm tired of always having to be right. I'm fed up of this pressure to come up with the justifications for my actions. I'm tired of always having to know my way out of things the minute something wrong comes up.

I'm drained. I've had enough.

But life won't stop giving me problems just because I've had enough, because, whether I like it or not, the world will only continue spinning, and I can't let my life fall apart just because I don't feel like living up to the challenge.

That is exactly what makes it frustrating. I can't seem to absorb that fact fully.

WHY, FATIMA? WHY?!?!?!

Why can't you grow up? Why can't you shake it off? Why do you always, ALWAYS, have to "make much ado about nothing"?

This is exactly why I hate myself. I can't bring myself to grow up the way I should. I always end up being unnecessarily dramatic, when all my problems are nothing compared to the problems of the world.

That's why, little children, don't ever be like me. There's no point addressing the already-mature; those who are already mature would already know what I'm talking about and dismiss me as immature.

Gahh. I have to stop before I decide to pull all my hair out.

I'll leave you with something that Facebook showed me.


Goodness gracious. I wonder how I can do just that... Darn it.

I should be in the shower now. School's in an hour.

Good day... and forget that I just ranted here.

posted on Thursday, February 25, 2010 @ 5:52 PM