I was writing a blog entry but I sadly lost my train of thought.
Here's one photo to sum it all up, though, until I find the sensibility to finish what I've started.
Okay, I admit.
I'm far too weak to let you go.
If I had my way, if nothing else matters
I'd scream my lungs out and say
"My darling, I want you back."
Is this dependence? Is this denial?
I don't know and, quite frankly
I don't want to delve into that anymore.
All I know is that
loving means letting go when needed
the heart has its needs
and sometimes, the mind just can't help it.
Oh darling, I'll say it again
I'll whisper, as I'm far too choked up to scream
I don't think I'll ever understand
why you had to leave
and try as I may to set you free
I wish I could take it all back
and get you to come back to me.
I am sooooo immature.
posted on Friday, November 12, 2010 @ 7:46 AM
"I know you find all these tiring (pointing to the board). We all have our problems. I have my problems as well. I wish that I could give these math students even just 5 minutes to... bring them to a place where they can just set aside their problems for a little while and feel like kids again.
Then last night, when I was sleeping, I saw a bright light, and my hands glowed like gold. Then a voice told me: 'Karl, I will give you magic powers for one day to make these students happy.'" :)-- Sir Karl Friedrich Mina
NOTE: The quotation above is in no way related to the blog post that follows. I just put that there as it brightened me up a little in the midst of my morose state of mind as of late.This is the closest thing to a private blog that I own. So... yeah. I don't have a laptop right now, so I can't really update my NaNoWriMo novel as comfortable. Hmm.
So, yeah, for those who don't know... Hi! I'm Fam. And now... I'm single.
Rather, I just got dumped.
It's a typical thing, I know. Relationships, especially among teenagers, are bound to end (it's a fact I thought was not inevitable. As you can see, I was wrong in even defying that statement). The fact that it's my first relationship makes it more doomed. Add the fact that my *gulp* ex-boyfriend is very unpredictable and vague makes everything a lot more confusing. Add also the fact that it turns out that a lot of people are against our relationship (as I've recently found out) makes it... UGH.
I don't know why I'm still writing about it, actually. I've talked about this privately to the closest friends I have (if you're asking for how many, I can count them in six fingers), and to be honest, I'm quite tired. For six days, I've been doing my best to keep myself from breaking down, which of course failed due to my crybaby nature. He's also (naturally) avoiding me now, so what's the point?
...
I guess, I'm just still in love. And I'm still upset about his giving up.
I would have been okay with his deciding to break it off IF ONLY HE WAS CLEAR. I would have accepted it wholeheartedly if there was a resolution, a closure--something that he apparently doesn't want to give to me. Sometimes I feel like he's taking revenge on his previous girlfriend(s) through me by depriving me of the closure to move on, as I am the first relationship he has ever had to end.
I guess... I just want the connection--the friendship--to remain.
I don't know. It's hard enough just trying to get through everyday with shattered dreams which I shouldn't have dreamed to begin with. What more trying to rectify hopes and to rationalize emotions that don't even seem rational?
GAH.
I just want to be still your friend. Maybe it scares you for reasons I'll never know, but... I love you. Always.
posted on Friday, November 5, 2010 @ 11:41 PM
