Hi Charm :)
Dapat kagabi ko pa 'to isusulat, kaso nasira ang gabi ko kagabi. Uh, let's just say na hypersensitive ako sa sinumang lumalandi sa mahal ko, kahit na hindi kami. Yeah, we didn't get back together. He's actually obsessed about this other girl, and it's annoying how "in your face" they are. Haha. In case you're wondering why I still act all nice and act na parang kami pa rin... let's just say he treats me like a girlfriend, still. The way he treats me now is better than how he treated me when we were still together, and that in itself is very confusing. I know, it's complicated and weird. It's like I should know better than this. Pero, di lang kasi yun yun. Kakupalan rin nila (Anton and the girl), actually. But, I have yet to find my resolution to this. Darating rin yun, soon. Til then, hanggang dito na muna ang kuwento ko. This entry isn't supposed to be about me. :))
Anyway, super wala ako masyadong alam sa nangyari sa 'yo with your faggot recent ex. Yeah, I call my friends' exes faggots kahit na di ko sila kilala. Like Man's guy from fourth year (yeah, alam na), inaaway ko nang nakikita ni Man. Kasi naman. INSECURITIES, much? Nung una, di ko talaga gets kung bakit, sa kabila ng kakupalan niya, nagagawa pa rin siyang mahalin ni Man. But now that I'm in a somewhat similar position, naiintindihan ko na rin.
But this time, kahit ang tempting maghanap ng away (I swear, umabot ako sa point na gusto ko na lang magpakatibo sa sobrang inis sa mga lalaking may bayag lang pero wala talagang ibubuga), I'd rather not. Haha. Bukod sa hindi ako kilala ni *beep* at di ko alam ang buong kuwento, I'll just give you this instead. :)
"How can I stop loving you? I really wanna know."
You tweeted that yesterday, if I remember correctly. Aaminin ko, napaisip ako nang bonggang-bongga dito. Haha! Sabi ni Kri, oras lang ang kailangan. I think Man and Danica agreed to Kri's answer, too. Pero, oras lang ba talaga? At totoo nga bang nakakalimutan natin ang lahat?
Weeeeell... actually, di ako marunong mag-comfort ng taong wasak. Wasak, as in heartbroken, hindi lasing. HAHAHA. (K, lame humor attempt. Fail) Pero, ito na lang ang tandaan mo: you did your part. It's his fault he didn't work things out. And it's not that you have to forget what you did, because you have to admit that it DID make you happy. Hindi sa nananakit ako, pero you have to accept the fact that the relationship, no matter how brief, still brought you to believe in love again. Don't let what happened ruin it all for you. Your heart doesn't deserve to fall back into the pit of loneliness.
Rica told me a part of the story, that the whole thing was provoked by some girl who apparently was messin' with yo' boy. Actually, it could be easily fixed, if only he tried to. But then, he didn't. He didn't fight for it. Instead, he escaped like only a faggot would. How would I know? Apart from the fact that I know how it feels (medyo ganyan rin ang situation ko), even from a distance, halata rin naman kung sinubukan niya talagang isalba kung anumang meron niyo. By the looks of it, wala siyang ginawa.
He fucking gave up. Diba? It's so tempting to kill him for that.
Before you hate me for all that I just said, just think of it this way: even if he tried working things out with you, will you still see him the same way? Kahit na makipag-reconcile siya sa 'yo for what happened, it doesn't automatically mean that he's doing it to win you back. Did he already prove himself worthy of your trust again?
Find the answer in you. Once you answer that, you'll figure out where to go from here.
Just a note, though. My answer to the question you raised is (given my situation):
If he has affected your life such that it outweighs everything he did wrong, then that's the time you may hold on. Only set your grasp on something that really changed you radically, positively, wholistically. Let's be objective here. In what way did he make you a better person (or rather, how can he make more awesome the already-awesome and beautiful you)? Is he really someone you can't live without? If you only care for that person but you can't even tell yourself anymore why you care for him, then think it over. Don't hold on to something that only feels good to have. Kasi kung pakiramdam lang ang susundin mo, mabilis yang mawawala. Magsasayang ka lang ng oras, kung ganun, sa bagay o tao na (harsh nito, pero) hindi talaga kailangan.
I know he means something to you, and you can't just forget him like that. That's what love does to you. GenPsych will tell you that nobody really does forget. But then, don't let that let you go on a hollow pursuit. As bitchy as he sounds, if he couldn't stay for you, then why should you stay for him? :) Haha. Parang dapat sinasabi ko sa sarili ko yun, pero... basta, iba ang sa akin. ANYWAY, ayun nga, only stick with things that you know and firmly believe that you cannot live without.
So, there. :) I know you're a very headstrong, determined and kindhearted woman. Don't let a rapture of your affections keep you from living life to the full. Saktong 2011, it's sure to be your year. You're beautiful, and that's a truth that will remain even when those "lovers" come and pass. Mk? Bakit ka pa maghahanap ng magmamahal sa 'yo kung ang dami nang nagmamahal? (@nicaaaaaa, @mandejelo, @prudenceQ, @ziacor... ETC. ETC. Hahaha!)
I hope that you will push all heartache and disappointment aside, and make room for happiness and hope to flood your heart. It's New Year's Eve, and it's about time you shone like the star that you really are (nux). :)
Happy New Year, Charm! And remember that there's a pout-face, bloodletting girl from Katipunan who'll always look after you, no matter how far we may be from each other ;)
I LOVE YOU! ♥
posted on Thursday, December 30, 2010 @ 5:05 PM
