EXTREMELY HIGH EMOTIONAL CONTENT. Proceed with caution.
Basics
Here's my nth attempt at creating a decent blogging site. I've had so many old blogs, and they're all rotting in cyberspace with memories that I'd rather not return to, so I'm starting from scratch. AGAIN.
I'm Fam. I've been around Planet Earth for 16 years and counting, though people often think I'm a lot older than my actual age (for who knows why). I love the color red, dark chocolate, bananas and breezy, sunny days.
I love dancing, singing out of nowhere, taking pictures, going on long, leisurely walks, enjoying food, writing to my heart's content, drawing, painting and indulging in crazy-sensible conversations with crazy-sensible people.
My moods swing like a pendulum, and yes, I am one of those people who overreact, over-think, and overeat.
There's no better way to get to know me than to actually listen... and if you can, speak up.
Don't worry, I won't bite... except if your grammar and intentions are atrocious. ;)
Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.
-- Lance Armstrong (via Tumblr)
Oh wow. Once again, I have allowed my Blogger site to "rot" a bit (thank you, Tumblr, for being such an attention whore).
ANYWAY... I really don't know what to write about. Rather, there's something I want to write about, but I don't quite know where to begin. Indeed, this is what impulse can do to you. Teehee.
Why are so many people breaking up lately?
I've been itching to ask that question, especially since so many people are falling out and ending it lately. Some came to my knowledge through Facebook, while others were personally told to me by my (close) friends. I find myself getting surprised at the outbreak of the news in general and with each couple. The couples whom I'd never expect to end it were the ones who actually fell out, and for what reasons?
"We needed time to mature."
"Love just isn't enough."
"The past came back."
Enough of the lame-ass reasons like, "He cheated on me" or "She was just too clingy and I couldn't take her anymore". People don't break up ONLY because of infidelity or conflict. People don't choose to end relationships JUST because they get fed up of the person's weaknesses (although that usually happens). Those kinds of breakups are born out of bitterness, but that isn't what I want to explore.
So why do near-perfect couples part ways?
This got me thinking. For so long, I've been part of the majority with the conception that for as long as two people in love (and in a relationship, to narrow the scope), there isn't any reason for the relationship to end. Being surrounded by contemporaries who fall in love and fall apart because of getting cheated on, having too many differences, getting caught by parents (like, DAMN!) and being maltreated conditioned my mind into thinking that these are what make relationships, well, not work.
However, that changes tonight... in a way, at least.
A friend of mine and I once formulated a adage by ourselves (I don't know if anyone has quoted this previously), "You don't need a religion to have faith, but you do need faith if you want to have a religion". Likewise, one need not have a relationship to love someone, but love is mandatory for ANY relationship--marital, romantic, parental, fraternal, etc.--to work. Religion and relationships are merely physical manifestations of the otherwise abstract emotions which push them into existence, which is faith and love, respectively. In the absence of these "forces", these manifestations are but a waste of time for those involved. What is meant to be a blessing for the human heart becomes a mere shell to mask longing and feign fulfillment, or worse, put on a mask to live up to social expectations.
Therefore, if there is faith, religion should be enough now, shouldn't it? And, in relation to the topic, if there is love, a relationship should work, right?
Now, I realize that it is not that simple.
In a relationship or any form of commitment to another entity (whether to a Higher Being or to another human being), a person is not affected in certain facets only. Once a person is genuinely affected by the thing his/her belief or compassion is rooted in, it sprouts branches into everything else. For one, if a guy falls in love, his entire idenity is affected, such that when the time comes that the object of his affection bids him goodbye, the life after that just seems to be nonexistent. Another example would be a nun who has turned to a convent for solace, after years of knowing nothing but loneliness and obscenity. If she were thrown away to the outside after spending years in solitude and prayer, she'd feel alien to everything and clueless as to what is in store for her. Faith and love are strong enough to make people fall madly in love with the past and present that they are stripped of the ability to foresee the future.
That is, if the only thing that governs the relationship is emotion. However, that is too purist, and it does not always apply. Even in the presence of strong emotion, there are still intrinsic factors that, although not bad in nature, have the ability to make someone choose those factors over their emotions. So, what could those be?
Identity. Realization. Maturity. Growth.
In a relationship, one person is bound to another entity. It pervades over everything about him/her; however, it does not mean that the person's identity fades along with the other. The self is a constant, in the stream of variables, the people who come and go and the feelings that hurt and heal. Although there is a "we" factor in a relationship, given that the persons involved are bound by a mutual feeling of love and concern for each other's interests, "we" still consists of "You" and "I". Those factors are still subject to separation, or "cancellation" in Math terms. In other words, even though these people are "one" in what they feel, at the end of the day, they're still individuals with their own dreams, ambitions and goals to attain.
What does this have to do with breaking up, then? Well, in a relationship, it's either people grow and learn from the love they give and share... or they may become too dependent on it such that their growth as people is stunted. There is a world that is formed when two people are in love, but then the reality still exists: the world is larger than that. At some point, IF the relationship makes the people involved forget that there is a world apart from the two of them, then it might do more harm than good in the long run.
So what's the point of being in a relationship with someone when it ends up making your mindset about the world, well, too narrow?
It really depends on the couple and their story. Sometimes, people just fall out of Cloud Nine and come down to Earth, with the thought that the Paradise they're floating on may not be the thing they need, and that they need to see their lives away from each other in order to fully become the people they are meant to be. Inevitably, there are relationships that are rooted in romance and pure emotion, or pure logic and tact, that the bond between the people in it becomes either too grounded in reality or too ignorant (?) of it. A balance is ideal, but not everyone can pull that off.
In any case, I think the best way to deal with this sort of conflict is to make it a mutual pact. This is where the purity of love DOES come in handy. As long as love is existing, separation won't be a matter for the friendship or the feeling of congeniality between them.
So maybe, if I concede to this, then maybe I shouldn't worry too much about relationships falling apart due to this, right?
MEH. Like I said earlier, this only alters my perception IN A WAY. That means, I still remain grounded on my previous beliefs.
In the way I view my relationships, I'm individual in the sense that "maturing" as a person does not entail having to part with someone. I am not the kind of person who sees her bonds with others as a hindrance to success. As much as I deeply respect those who need to figure out their dreams on my own, I disagree when people think that, in order to realize potential, one must sacrifice what they share with other people. I detest it when people say, when worse comes to worst, "There is so much more ahead of me apart from you and you'll just hold me back." It comes across to me as though the person whom s/he once fell in love with was actually a flaw to the ideal life that the person conceptualized. Love, after all, should transcend ideals; rather, it should let people see that life need not be perfect, and that a deviance from the archetype can actually make life more worthwhile than perfection. In other words, I think BONDS change as they AGE, but BONDS are not tantamount BONDAGE. Unless the other person is forcing his/her significant other into that bond (where it does become bondage, which, mind you, is not love), relationships aren't meant to limit someone's world into the realm that s/he and a loved one can fathom, but to actually expand that and make it more personal and inviting to live in.
Some people think I'm a masochist because of this demeanor, that I take in pain for something that wouldn't be worth it anyway (vague, yes, but I'd rather not go into detail now). Sure, I do take in some pain from time to time, and more often than not, I often whine about it, just to let out the negative vibes coming from within. However, I want to ask whoever agrees with these people: How can you tell?
I conceded to the fact that sometimes, I feel like giving up, too. My pain threshold, given the tenderness of my age, is still not that resilient. However, quoting the words of a friend of mine:
"Bakit ka pa nag-eemo in the first place? Use that determination. Lakas-lakas mong tao, you're thinking of giving up? Fight lang! Hangga't di niya sinasabi or ipinapahiwatig na it's over, don't let go! :D"
--"Tony Stark" (2010, via SMS)
I may not be practical, but I know how to live my life as an individual without compromising the people I care about. My life goes beyond that special someone, yes, but it does not go without him, too. He doesn't deserve to be blamed for the things I do or don't do because, first and foremost, my failures are due to me (99.9% of the time), NOT those around me; therefore, why go without him?
Well, that's just me. It's a different story when the other person already ends up actually destroying the person who loves him/her. However, as long as that person is still able to give the person s/he loves a withstanding inspiration of some sort in order to keep living life to the fullest, the relationship still holds promise. As long as the relationship brings two people to see that life is still worth living no matter how hard life gets, I don't see why they should part ways.
I respect the decisions of my friends for letting go of the relationships they hold dear. That's the dynamics of their bond, and I leave it to them to deal with their lives. I, on the other hand, remain adherent to my own convictions and repeat these lines to myself as I find myself wanting to retire for the night:
Anything that's worth having Is sure enough, worth fighting for Quitting's out of the question When it gets tough Gotta fight some more
Well, what can I say? Quitting isn't in my vocabulary, and I wouldn't dare give up on anyone or anything even if my life depended on it.
Hence, I close this entry with the same excerpt that I used to name this random ramble: IF IT'S WORTH HAVING, IT'S WORTH FIGHTING FOR. ♥
Good night, everyone. :)
P.S. My writing style is bull, yes. :| Harr. I need to improve.
